Today I feel a bit better. I'm still stressed, still scared. But better. I had the loveliest dreams last night. Then, I woke up to the crushing disappointment that none of them were real. Some of it is achievable: I can be thin. I will be thin. It will just take some time. Some, well... not so much. T and I will never be together again. I'm closer to accepting that, but I'm not all the way there yet.
So far today, I've had 10 strawberries and a cup of tea for breakfast. I think lunch will be an orange and a cup of tea. I'm strangely not hungry today. It must be all the binging/purging I've put my body through this weekend. I'm trying really hard to not be disappointed by my weight. I wanted to be 140 by the time I left summer college. I'm leaving on June 30th, and at 141 lbs, I'm way ahead of schedule. I just feel like it's never enough though. I'll be 130 by the end of the summer. Maybe even 125. I realize I have so much weight left to lose and get overwhelmed almost daily. I've lost over 60lbs already. I can do this. I just need to focus.