Sunday, June 19, 2011

Lovely Dreams and Overwhelming Doubt

Today I feel a bit better.  I'm still stressed, still scared.  But better.  I had the loveliest dreams last night.  Then, I woke up to the crushing disappointment that none of them were real.  Some of it is achievable: I can be thin.  I will be thin.  It will just take some time.  Some, well... not so much.  T and I will never be together again.  I'm closer to accepting that, but I'm not all the way there yet.

So far today, I've had 10 strawberries and a cup of tea for breakfast.  I think lunch will be an orange and a cup of tea.  I'm strangely not hungry today.  It must be all the binging/purging I've put my body through this weekend.  I'm trying really hard to not be disappointed by my weight.  I wanted to be 140 by the time I left summer college.  I'm leaving on June 30th, and at 141 lbs, I'm way ahead of schedule.  I just feel like it's never enough though.  I'll be 130 by the end of the summer.  Maybe even 125.   I realize I have so much weight left to lose and get overwhelmed almost daily.  I've lost over 60lbs already.  I can do this.  I just need to focus.


  1. Thanks for the sushi advice- you are right about the veggie sushi. I am thinking of starting to try and learn how to make my own!
    It is so hard getting over someone. It is just so painful. You can do it, though. Keep focusing on you. You deserve to be so, so proud of your weight loss. Over 60 lbs?! That is what I want to lose in total, and I am only at 20! That is AMAZING. And so ahead of schedule! Take it slow, think about reaching that next milestone- don't think about the total weight loss desired. You are doing absolutely amazing and deserve to feel proud and successful, not overwhelmed!

  2. You can do it :) Try focusing on each mini step such as 5 lbs or 10 lbs. 60 lbs is an amazing achievement already :D

  3. you've done such an awesome job with the weightloss so far, just focus on that. you'll keep on doing great because you've already set the precedent for doing great