Wednesday, June 15, 2011


So far I've purged everything I've eaten today.  It's just one of those days when I can't stand to have food inside of me.  I don't know how dinner is going to go... I'll try to keep it down.  My head hurts and I think I burst a blood vessel in my cheek.  I have scars on the backs of my knuckles.  I bruise so easily these days.  My quest for a perfect body is leaving me looking sickly.  Ill.  Unattractive.

It's so hot here.  I hate this school.  Not to be whiny, but I am so miserable here.  I hate how easy the classes are.  I hate how no one here actually gives a shit about learning.  I hate the whole atmosphere.  It leaves me feeling strange and blank and lost.

I have a date-type-thing with the blue haired boy tonight.  I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't care about him in the least.  He's not T.  Sure, he's quite attractive.  But he's not as smart, as funny, as clever.  He doesn't have that smile.  Besides, he's kind of a slut.  He reminds me too much of my first ex.  After I agreed to go out with him, he asked me why I was interested in him.  I guess it wasn't until then that I realized he was after something more than physical contact.  I don't like him.  I just want something.  I want physical contact.  I haven't even so much as held hands with someone besides T since the end of my freshman year.  I need to move on, and the blue-haired boy is just a meaningless rebound.

I am incorrigible. 

Oh, and this might be kind of strange, but I really would like an ana/weight loss buddy.  If anyone wants to send me an email at, I would be more than happy to trade moral support, tips, etc :)


  1. bulimic tendencies are so rough on the body. at my lowest weight i looked less sickly than i did/do at a normal weight because i've purged so much. i think the hands freak me out the knuckles are way chopped up and i haven't used my fingers to purge in almost a year. in a weird way though i like the easy bruising...not sure what it is. so rough though, try to take care of yourself (even when you're not taking 'care' of yourself)