Home at last.

So, just got back from the debate tournament.  I did better this time.  I made it through four rounds of my IE.  It scares me because I'm taking this piece to nationals.  I'm already qualified.  But dear God, I'm not very good.  I've only competed in this event twice.  Me going to nationals is a fluke.  It has to be.  I qualified on my first time.  I'm so fucking scared of June.  I'm really not surprised or disappointed that I was knocked out of the competition.  Everyone in my last panel was so good.  Even though I felt like I'd performed my piece better than ever before, everyone else was just as good and obviously better.

Today was a big failure in terms of the SGD.  I'm not surprised.  At debate tournaments, it's so hard to stay in budget.  All you have to eat are concession stand foods (pizza, burgers, ice creams, candy, etc).  I look everywhere for fruits and veggies, but there are never any to be found.  So eventually I get so hungry that when I finally do get dinner I overindulge.  But that's okay.  Tomorrow is a new day.  And I promise I'll burn off every extra calorie.

It's 2:30 in the morning, and I really should be in bed.  Instead, I'm reveling in the feeling of aloneness.  I can sit and just be.  I'm not sharing a room with A and Skinny Bitch.  I really shouldn't call her that.  She's one of the nicest people I've ever met.  I'm just so jealous that her thighs don't touch.  I really am the fattest active member of the debate team.  It makes me so angry.  Maybe one of the guys is bigger, but he doesn't count.  He's a guy.  Guys can be bigger.  I don't feel like there's the same kind of pressure there, you know?

I'll try to get to catching up on all your blogs, but it's late and I can hardly focus.  So I doubt I will.  Just wish me luck that the scale doesn't rise tomorrow morning because of today's atrocious count.

@Ullalexi, that picture wasn't me.  It was just a piece of thinspo.  I wish it was me, though.  One day, perhaps? (:

I want my thighs to not squish out when I kneel like that.

one day.