Friday, April 22, 2011


Why did I have to make cookies today?  It was a rash, impulsive binge move.  I didn't even purge them up.  I mean, fuck.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I can't just eat cookies when I planned to eat 500 cal in a day.  I easily ate 700 calories worth of cookies and cookie dough combined.  I am fat fat fat fat.

Why am I doing this to myself anyway?  I don't have an eating disorder.  I have white-girl-wants-attention disorder.  I got dumped on my ass, so I started acting crazy in retaliation.  I wasn't good enough for him, but that's no reason to play this part.  I am an actor in a role.  An extraordinarily convincing role.

There is no need to purge my food.  There is no need to restrict until I binge.  There is no need for any of this.  300 calories is not too much for a meal.  Who am I kidding?  Yes there is.  I'm fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.  It's time to start being healthier.  1200 calories a day, and excerise is to get fit and not burn calories.  No more fasting.  No more purging.  At least not for now.

I love you all, and you're so wonderfully supportive.  I'm sorry for unleashing my giant volcano of crazy upon you.  I'll still be around, reading and commenting where I have something to say.  I'll probably still be writing.  I just don't want my life to center around my disfunction.  I can stop this before it's too late.

I think.


  1. I'm glad you want to be healthier, you can do this :)

  2. Don't be so hard on yourself, we all have setbacks! A 700 calorie day isn't bad, even if it was mostly cookies. I don't think your disorder is for attention!! I'm glad you're striving to be healthier and getting fit. Good luck! :)