Day one of SGD went well. I deviated from the food plan, but I was still well within the calorie range of the day. I ate 396 of my 400, excluding fruits and veggies so go me. Tomorrow will be a bit more difficult at 300 calories, but I feel like I can do it. The problem right now is E. She keeps making all these cupcakes, and it's all I can do to throw them away when she's not looking. T keeps giving me funny looks when I only pick at my lunch, too. But whatever. If they cared about me, they'd actually act like they give a damn. That's not fair. They do. I just push them away.
Truth be told, I don't want any friends. I don't want to be cared about. I want to quietly slip away to college, where no one will know my name. I can be the tragically thin girl with the pensive expression. For the longest time I've whole-heartedly believed that I will die at the rip old age of 22. Strange, no? I want to be alone when that happens. Completely, utterly alone.
Excuse my ramblings. I'm just really sad tonight.
i hate when people watch me eat. or rather, watch me not eat. i'm stoked about college, too. to get away from the people who know who i am. hmm. i think you're a lovely creature. 22 is far too soon. let's shoot for something later. good job today. you'll do great tomorrow, too. stay strong, darling.
ReplyDeletexoxo
zette
Cupcakes are my down fall.
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean though when you say that if your friends really cared they would act.
My friends sometimes make a big deal about my weight but what does that achieve?
22 is much too young and to think that that's the age you think you'll die makes me sad. Make a new goal, a much more positive goal. After all, you're beautiful, kind, lovely and amazing and should stick around.
Love Anafly
xxx
I understand that you're sad and having a tough time right now. I'm under the same pressure from myself to not eat, and friends and family to eat way more than I want. But believe me when I say that you do not want to be the friendless sickly girl in college because that's who I was befor I was forced into recovery. I wasn't myself at all, had no motivation to talk to anyone or have any fun like I used to. All I cared about was being thin. You can care about being thin -- but if you make it you're only thought in life it will drive you crazy. Please don't take this as critisism, I'm just speaking from experience. Get some rest, tomorrow's a new day and I know you can do this! xo
ReplyDeleteNice intake, I'm sure you will do as well tomorrow :)
ReplyDelete22 is way too young, please don't die that soon!
I hate it when people watch me (not) eat too, but think yourself lucky your friends don't do much about it :) mine do way too much!
I hope you are happier soon :)
Stay strong,
Lottie x
...I very much hope you feel better soon, darling. Please, just remember-- all these thoughts will fade away, sooner or later. This (too) shall pass.
ReplyDeleteLots of love,
Lu.