Slipping.

T was supposed to come over today, but he bailed, so I decided to go to the grocery store and buy some Alex-friendly foods.  Apples, bananas, oranges, low-cal bread, low-cal cereal, and Greek yogurt.  I spent the whole time in the store praying fervently that no one I knew would see me or the contents of my cart.  I could hear the questions in my head.  "Where's the meat?"  "Why not normal bread?"  "What did you do, pick the smallest apples on the shelf?"

The paranoia and I have become great friends.  If I hear people laughing, I know it's about me.  I can't make eye contact with strangers.  I can't handle being in public for long periods of time.  I need to hide.  I keep hearing things that I'm not sure are real.  Dogs barking, people laughing, muted conversations.  They're so far away.  Do they exist?

I forget, sometimes, about the depression.  Major Depressive Disorder.  My first mental illness. It was followed quickly by Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  I'm slipping.  I've experienced brief psychosis before.  I don't want to go back there.