I feel like absolute crap. I got left alone in the house again, which means it's binge/purge time for Alex. Chewed up three cupcakes and spit them back out. Ate a slice of pizza and threw it back up. I scratched the back of my throat and spit up blood. Whooops. When I first saw the blood, it scared the shit out of me honestly. I was so dumb to risk my throat right before nationals. What the hell was I thinking? But I'm alright now. I just feel lonely and needy and blah.
I'm going to work out now. Jumping jacks, abs, and legs. I'm so nervous about tomorrow. Not only will I do crappy in the tournament, but I'm also not going to be able to restrict properly or workout while I'm there. I don't like half the people that are going, and I certainly don't like them enough to want to be in a car with them for two days. Why must DC be so far away?
I need to finish packing for summer college before I leave tomorrow. I can't believe I'm going away for a whole five weeks. I'm so excited. I want do be down to 135 by the time I come back. I think I can do that. Right now, I have a separate bag set aside for food. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one bringing five boxes of tea, a loaf of low-cal bread, a jar of reduced fat peanut butter, and a bathroom scale. Ohhh well. They can think I'm crazy if they want. I don't give a shit anymore.
So much for cheering up. Thank you all for sticking with me, even if all I do is bitch and moan about not doing well enough.