Almost Gone.

I feel like absolute crap.  I got left alone in the house again, which means it's binge/purge time for Alex.  Chewed up three cupcakes and spit them back out.  Ate a slice of pizza and threw it back up.  I scratched the back of my throat and spit up blood.  Whooops.  When I first saw the blood, it scared the shit out of me honestly.  I was so dumb to risk my throat right before nationals.  What the hell was I thinking?  But I'm alright now.  I just feel lonely and needy and blah.

I'm going to work out now.  Jumping jacks, abs, and legs.  I'm so nervous about tomorrow.  Not only will I do crappy in the tournament, but I'm also not going to be able to restrict properly or workout while I'm there.  I don't like half the people that are going, and I certainly don't like them enough to want to be in a car with them for two days.  Why must DC be so far away?

I need to finish packing for summer college before I leave tomorrow.  I can't believe I'm going away for a whole five weeks.  I'm so excited.  I want do be down to 135 by the time I come back.  I think I can do that.  Right now, I have a separate bag set aside for food.  I'm pretty sure I'm the only one bringing five boxes of tea, a loaf of low-cal bread, a jar of reduced fat peanut butter, and a bathroom scale.  Ohhh well.  They can think I'm crazy if they want.  I don't give a shit anymore.

So much for cheering up.  Thank you all for sticking with me, even if all I do is bitch and moan about not doing well enough.