Sunday, May 22, 2011

I've been gone for a while.

I was feeling extraordinarily pessimistic about blogging.  I felt like it was feeding my negativity and self-destruction.  And... it was.  But I think a long break was what I needed.  So much has happened in the time I've been gone.

So my health has gone down the tubes.  I haven't lost a single pound because I stopped focusing on my weight, and more on my overall health.  I've been having painful palpitations.  I can't run anymore because of them.  My gallbladder is failing.  I can't digest fat or meat anymore.  You wouldn't think it would be a bad thing, but when you no longer have a choice in what you eat, you realize that control is a huge part of this disease.  Control over what you eat, what you do, when you do it all, how much you do.

Speaking of "this disease," my therapist gave me a bulimia nervosa diagnosis.  So I suppose I've gotten the validation I was craving.  Why don't I feel any better about it?

I'll catch up on your posts as much as I can today, lovelies.  I'm sorry if I seem kind of down.  I'll cheer up eventually.   

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